Book Club Day 3: Control and Fear

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In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 32 and read "Treasures of Darkness" by Bettina Dowell. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Bettina Dowell. Life as the spouse of a sailor stationed on a ship was a huge shock to this very young military wife. I had some understanding before we arrived that the ship would be deploying from time to time, but no clue about the uncertainty of the ship’s schedule and how it would dramatically impact my life. One particular night sticks out in my memory. The ship had left for what was supposed to be a fairly brief tour to Central America and was on its way back to home port. The ship was approaching the Panama Canal and as young wives, we were excitedly making plans for homecoming. Suddenly, we began receiving ham radio phone calls, one by one, that the ship was in fact not coming through the Canal, but instead, turning the other direction for an extended stay in Central America. I remember my heart feeling very broken. It was not the extra time that discouraged me as much as the disappointment of turning my heart from making homecoming plans to steeling myself up for a longer separation. [Tweet "Life as a military spouse is nothing if not unpredictable."] If you have been a military wife for at least six months, you probably have a story to share exactly like mine. Life as a military spouse is nothing, if not unpredictable. While the civilian population may sometimes be able to lull themselves into a false sense of control as their spouse goes off every day to the same job, in the same city, year after year, we have no illusions about the lack of control we have over our futures. This can be not only frustrating, but sometimes maddening. One of the themes of “Treasures of Darkness” is control. Could you relate at all to these sentences?

Something about life as a military spouse demonstrates to one in new and dramatic ways how little control we actually have over the course of our journey. Often the deep desire to control everything in our spheres of influence (and many things outside of it) springs from a place of fear.

If you could relate, do you also think that your desire to control comes from a place of fear? Controlling from fear is a temptation as old as the garden. In fact, it is really the basis of the enemy’s original plot against women. Genesis 3: 1-7 tells us how the enemy came to Eve, enticed her to doubt and twisted God’s word to her. Then he proceeded to offer her not just a piece of fruit – but the opportunity to “be like God.” Now we may tend to be judgmental of our sister Eve because she was tempted by wanting to be like God, but how often would each of us trade almost anything to know the future, to allay our fears and concerns about what it might hold for us and our loved ones? Are we really that different? Of course not. And our enemy, who is not very creative, is still using the same line on us that he used on Eve. “Don’t you want to be like God?” As frustrating as upended plans and the uncertainty of our futures may be as military wives, may I propose a thought? In reality, we really don’t want the control we so often fight to obtain. We do not want to know, or be responsible for, future events. God alone has this knowledge because He alone can handle it. It was never meant for us. And when we mentally move out of our fear and release our need to control everything, we are actually releasing things into His hand. So how about you today? Where are you afraid (even if it doesn’t seem on the surface to be fear – I’m really good at disguising that fear to myself as my need to “plan and prepare”) and trying to gain control? Is it about your next move? Your husband’s safety? Your children’s future? Sisters, we have as much ability to control these things as we do of changing how tall we are – or are not. What we can control is our response in those situations where we are fearful. We can chose to find those treasures of darkness in learning to trust God in the hard times. We can listen to the truths of His word instead of ignoring or doubting them. Our civilian girlfriends will never know the unexplainable feeling of peace in sleeping through a night while your husband is a world away in a dangerous place. That is called “peace that passes all human understanding.” Just another treasure in the darkness. Discuss: 1. What is making you fearful today? 2. Is your fear causing you to grasp for control? 3. Which of these truths can you claim for your own today? Psalm 23, Psalm 118:5, Psalm 138:3, Lamentations 3:33, Habakkuk 3: 17-19