Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 13! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.)
In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 162 and read "In the Cave" by Pam Anderson. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: The "cave" Pam refers to in the book is an OCONUS assignment, but we can all relate to being in our own place of darkness. In today's discussion, special guest Penny Monetti shares a very personal experience of being in that place in her marriage: I sat in the empty parking lot with closed car windows and yelled at God (yes, yelled), “Why don’t you hear me?” I’ve prayed everyday for months for you to restore my marriage. I thought that’s what you wanted, too! If it is, then why aren’t you doing something? The Bible says not to fear; you are always with me. So, where are you, God? I feel more alone now than ever!” Like the author Pamela Anderson, describes in her chapter entitled, “In the Cave” from the inspirational book, Faith Deployed. . . Again, I was in the bowels of a dark cave. Although it actually took years to arrive at this god-forsaken place, it seemed like it happened overnight.
As I shared in Called to Serve:
My once "perfect" marriage turned south. Our oldest child was leaving for college out of state. Unattained dreams evolved into bitterness. Long missions, TDYs, and business responsibilities wedged my husband, Tony, away from our family and the quality time to which we were accustomed. Our communication link severed. Tony faced retirement and was striving to control unknown circumstances. Whenever I mentioned touchy issues, Tony grew angry. I bottled my feelings to avoid conflict, compensating by overcommitting my time to several worthy organizations. I became distant and failed to meet Tony’s needs, which caused him to feel unappreciated and unloved. In turn, Tony’s discontent brewed and I grew more distant and depressed. The circle continued as we steadily grew further and further apart.
Before we knew it, the word “divorce” seared our daily conversation.
We were in a tailspin, plummeting quickly for a marital crash and didn’t know how to regain control.
Neither Tony nor I never imagined we would be contemplating a divorce as we pledged our undying love to each other nineteen years earlier. Now we were in a tailspin, plummeting quickly for a marital crash and didn’t know how to regain control. We struggled to remain in a room together for five minutes without fighting. It crushed me that our kids were witnessing the turmoil. Although I prayed, and I asked family members and Christian friends to pray, I did not feel God’s presence. I wondered if God deemed me unworthy since He wasn’t answering my prayers-or so I thought. Although our feelings of love had seemingly disappeared and I felt abandoned by God, I made one of the hardest, life-changing decisions while isolated in the cave. I chose to remain obedient to God and resolved to salvage our war-torn marriage when the world dangled the promise of an easier life through divorce. Tony and I had a history together. At one time, we were each other’s best friend. I knew first hand the collateral damage that divorce inflicted on children. I didn’t need to review the overwhelming statistics (although I’ve included some for those who are curious). I just had to peek into my own backyard; my two sisters and I were adult living proof how divorce emotionally scars children. Despite the popular view that if it gets tough, bail out, Tony and I both chose to honor the “for worse” part of our marriage. Shortly, after much prayer to find a Christian marriage counselor whom we could both relate to, we met a godly man who guided us down the tough road to healing our marriage.
The cave served a far-reaching purpose.
I look back now at that pitiful, lost woman, crying out to God for help in the parking lot five years ago. I couldn’t fathom why God didn’t instantly answer my prayers. He allowed me to bump and bruise myself while blindly feeling my way through the isolated cave. However, now, I see that the cave served a far-reaching purpose. I learned the importance of blind obedience to God when I didn’t feel His presence even though the Lord had never left my side. First Samuel 24 describes David hiding in an actual cave from King Saul, who was bent on killing David for fear he would take his position as king. Saul enters the rocky cavern to relieve himself (crude, but a necessity, and I love that the Bible tells it like it is), giving David a once-in-a lifetime opportunity to finish off the king. David instantaneously has a life-altering choice to make and only seconds to do so. Does he kill Saul? With Saul dead, the need to hide out like a rodent in caves would be gone. Stress would disappear. Wouldn’t it? David stands at a crucial crossroad. He painstakingly decides to remain obedient to God’s command not lift a hand against His anointed ruler. Despite David’s soldiers’ well-meaning advice to kill Saul, David ignores their counsel and remains obedient to God. I felt an instant camaraderie with David. He felt unheard the same way I did as he desperately cried out for God’s help (Psalm 22). Despite David’s struggles, he chose to remain obedient to God’s commands, and when his prayers felt unheard, David praised God. Reality hit. I discovered that caves are the Rubicon where great life changes occur-good or bad. The choice is ours. We can get depressed and feel sorry for ourselves, or we can obey God’s precepts and praise Him because His promises are true. Like David, we periodically find ourselves in the “caves” of life and arrive at an impasse. Sometimes it’s a gradual process or it may be immediate, like a phone call, a misspoken word, or a turn into the wrong lane, and our lives leap from normality into chaos overnight. We find ourselves alone, pulled from our bright lives into the cave’s pit of darkness where we are pressed to make tough decisions. Well-meaning friends may advise us to take the seemingly easier route, which isn’t normally God’s direction. What choices do we make in that cave? Do we leave our spouse and search for greener pasture? Do we take another drink or pop another pill? Do we slander another’s character through gossip? Do we stop trusting God because of illness, unmet dreams, or broken promises? We can remain obedient to God’s commands and let Him restore and transform us within that lonely cave, or we can choose what appears to be the easy way out, looking to worldly views, which in the end cause destruction to ourselves and those we love most. The road less traveled is usually the tougher course, but it’s the most character-strengthening and rewarding. Had Tony and I not traveled into the “cave,” we would have never recognized our own weaknesses and transformed our war-torn marriage into the healthy union that it is today. If God immediately answered my prayer when I asked, then demanded, the refining process intended to detoxify the impurities that were poisoning our relationship may have never occurred. Instead, God forged a strong fortress-a lifetime union richly blessed with love, but only after choosing to obey God’s commands and trust His direction. Discuss: How about you? Are you feeling isolated as you search for a way out of a cave’s darkness? What crossroads are you facing? Are you aligning your decisions with God’s direction or with the world’s view? God is with you, even if your prayers seem unheard. He is directing your path and offering His hand as you read this. The road may be difficult, but if you stick with God’s direction, His provision, love, and eternal rewards await you.
So that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~1 Peter 1:7
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