In honor of Military Family Appreciation Month, today we have with us guest blogger Marshele Carter Waddell. She is an author, speaker, and veteran wife of a Navy SEAL. Her book Hope for the Home Front encouraged me so much as a military bride, and I have been so blessed that she also contributed to several of my own books for milwives! We hope this post blesses you!
I browsed the “marriage and relationship” section of my local Christian bookstore. My heart was heavy, missing my husband…again. I tilted my head to read the colorful spines of the latest releases offering proven ideas about how to strengthen and nurture my marriage. The deployments, the distance and the passing of so much time had taken its toll on the most important relationship in my life. I selected two promising titles, paid at the register and looked forward to putting my head on my pillow that night to search the pages for the overdue nourishment my hungry marriage needed. With the kids tucked and settled in, I did the same. I cracked open the first book, convinced I would uncover the keys to rekindling the dying embers of a relationship weathered by this crazy military lifestyle. My high hopes soon dissolved into hilarity. “Have a candlelight dinner,” the list began. One place setting? “Give each other fifteen-minute back rubs,” I read and snickered out loud. “Tuck a love note in his lunch.” Wouldn’t that ruin an MRE? This is ridiculous, I thought, my comedienne quickly morphing into a sour cynic. “Go for a scenic drive together. Plan a romantic picnic. Have a pillow fight. Spend an evening in front of the fireplace.” My eyes grew hot and filled with tears. Instead of equipping me with creative marriage-building ideas, the authors’ well-meaning counsel cut me to the quick. At least 95% of their proven strategies were simply impossible for us as a military couple to attempt. The miles and the months that routinely separate us render most marriage books and seminars pointless, even painful. Over the years, I’ve compiled my own list to live by, gleaning what I can from friends, articles and books. More often, I’ve learned from experience what strengthens and sweetens a military marriage. Here are a few ideas to try:
- Listen to “your” song. Hit the replay button. Let it stir sweet memories of times spent together. Write your sweetheart an intimate love letter reassuring him/her of your devotion and giving him/her something to look forward to.
- Don’t fall into the e-trap. While email is very handy and speedy, nothing replaces a letter penned by your own hand. Spritz your letters with your perfume and seal it with a kiss.
- Spice up your lover’s mail box. In addition to handwritten letters, send personalized, homemade audio cassettes, CDs, and DVDs for your loved one to enjoy. Discreet intimate cards and gifts don’t hurt either.
- Create your own web site together. Post all your news and latest photos weekly for your sweetheart. Invite other family members to add their two cents, too.
- Have fun putting together personalized care packages for your spouse. Keep an open box at your bedside. When you are out doing errands and see something that your sweetheart would enjoy, buy it and toss it in the box when you get home. Send your care packages every 2-3 weeks during the deployment.
- Create a blog and write a daily online journal to keep your loved one up to date.
- Keep a phone journal. Jot down things that you want to tell your spouse when he/she calls. Rule of thumb: always say “I love you” before anything else, just in case you lose connection.
- Commit to improving your health and physical fitness while your loved one is away. Work out. Buy some up-to-date clothes. Get an edgy hair style and brighten up with highlights. Be sure to tell your honey that you are doing these things for him/her and that you look forward to your reunion.
- Choose something that happens occasionally in nature, i.e., a full moon, a brilliant rainbow, or a shooting star, and agree together that while you are apart, when one of you sees this, it will serve as quiet reminder of your committed love for one another.
- Celebrate missed birthdays and anniversaries anyway! Take photos of the cake you made for him, blow out his candles, sing him Happy Birthday and send them in your next care package. He’ll never forget your thoughtfulness.
- Spruce up his home office, den and/or garage work bench while he is away. No mauve or lavender, please. Use his favorite masculine colors and motif. He’ll have a daily reminder of your affection upon his return.
- Scan photos of just the two of you. Better yet, find the pre-kids snapshots. Write personal captions for each one and send them in your next letter or care package.
- Plan a couple’s getaway to take place soon after his/her homecoming. Make arrangements for your children to stay with family or friends. You’ll have fun planning and anticipating it. Having a mini-honeymoon to look forward to will brighten many a moment for both of you.
I haven’t given up on marriage books entirely. I just read their advice and keep in mind that most marriages never have to face the challenges that mine does. I consider their suggestions and ask myself how we as a military couple can creatively apply them. A successful military marriage requires a hero in the field and also a hero at home, both investing their physical and emotional energies into a relationship stressed and stretched by service. Before you go... Psst! If you haven't already, be sure to enter the drawing for military wives we have going on right now! The prizes available include The 5 Love Languages Military Edition, Stories of Faith & Courage from the Home Front, and Military Wives' New Testament with Psalms & Proverbs! Click here and follow the instructions at the bottom of the post to enter! About Marshele: A 25-year wife of a U.S. Navy SEAL, Marshele Carter Waddell is author of Hope for the Home Front: Winning the Emotional and Spiritual Battles of the Military Wife, Hope for the Home Front Bible Study, and co-author of When War Comes Home: Christ-centered Healing for Wives of Combat Veterans. She is also a contributor to Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives. Visit Marshéle’s Web site at www.hopeforthehomefront.com.
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