Why I Say No to Good Things

Recently, I read something in my gardening book which you natural green thumbs have probably known for eons. I read that in the spring, one of my gardening chores should be to strip off the smallest peony buds, leaving only the largest one to grow on each stalk of the plant. That way, the plant will put all of its energy into one bloom per stalk. So, rather than having several small-yet-somehow-still-droopy flowers, I can look forward to "show-stopping blooms" instead.

This made so much sense to me, on a life lessons level, that I immediately marched outside and set to work pinching off the smaller peony buds. Each time I dropped one to the mulch below, I thought about how similar this is to how I must manage my time when I'm trying to grow something beautiful, which is usually a book. I have to say no to several small, good things, so I can pour my energy into something bigger. I love this analogy. I love the promise that it holds, and the freedom it gives me, and all  of us, to place our energy where it will do the most good. But would you believe that it is much, much easier to pinch peony buds off my own  plant than it is to actually say no to a real person? Today, a lovely person asked me to do a good thing that should be done. I cringed when I read the request in my inbox. She was asking for time that I had already set aside to spend working on my new book project, whether it will be conducting interviews with parents of kids with special needs, or writing the devotions. My children will be cared for during this time frame, which makes this time frame absolutely precious to me. Being a home schooling mother, this kid-free time is really, really important so I can work without distraction. "Pinch the peony!" I told myself almost right away. "Tell her you can't do it! You're already committed!" I was right, of course. And yet, I still struggled. I prayed about it, deliberated, prayed some more, and finally asked a trusted friend to weigh in. Being the wise woman she is, my friend affirmed my gut reaction. I was already committed to working during those hours. I had to pinch the peony to preserve my best energy. (Judge me now, if you will, just please don't be mean in the comments. I will delete them. Because I can.) The fact that Lysa TerKeurst has written an entire book on this concept of not saying yes to every request--and the fact that it's wildly popular--tells me I'm not alone when it comes to my desire to please others. I don't think any of us relish the idea of disappointing people. We want to serve, and isn't service a good thing? Yep. But we are allowed to discern where our service will do the most good, given our skills, gifts, and experience. Lysa TerKeurst, in The Best Yes, puts it this way:

Here's the reality of our current technique: Other people's requests dictate the decisions we make. We become slaves to others' demands when we let our time become dictated by requests. We will live reactive lives instead of proactive. And reactive lives get very exhausting, very quickly.

Oswald Chambers, in My Utmost for His Highest, puts it this way:

The greatest enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best.

When we say no to some good things, we empower our "yes" to the best--that which God has uniquely called and equipped them to do. As TerKeurst writes, "This isn't just about finding time. This is about honoring God with the time we have." Amen to that, Lysa, amen! [Tweet "When we say no to some things, we empower our bigger "yes.""]   Now, here's the thing about pinching off the smaller buds, the ones you know should not receive your best attention. It's only helpful if we literally nip the bud right off, right away. Waiting until it has already bloomed before plucking it means you've already spent valuable energy on it, and there's more to clean up. In other words, it's easier to say "No, I can't take on that commitment right now," than to later say with a knot in your gut, "Oh no, I can't keep up with this commitment anymore!" Believe me, I've done it both ways. (I'll save that story for later.) Sometimes, people won't understand why we're saying no. After all, that bigger bud we're spending most of our energy on--it hasn't bloomed yet! No one can see what we're growing before it flowers, so they may doubt the value of what we've chosen.

Stand strong anyway. Whether you are a work-at-home mom like me, or work outside the  home, whether you're an entrepreneur or a college student, we all need time for what God has called us to do in this season. Sometimes pinching off the smaller buds means declining to volunteer for something altogether, like I did today. But other times it could just be saying no to doing things the hard way. For instance, I will say yes to bringing treats to my daughter's violin class, but no to making homemade sugar cookie cutouts with piped icing and fancy fondant. I can say yes to having friends over for a meal, but no to making a four-course gourmet dinner. (Delivery, anyone?) We can't say no to everything, nor should we. But we do need to say "no" to some good things so we can say "yes" to the best thing. Have you found this to be true in your life? If so, please share. I would love to hear about your best thing. Which buds have you dropped to the ground so a bigger bloom could blossom?