Books

[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1101", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-2408", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"283", "height":"424", "alt":"Stormy Skies Ahead"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 20! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 238 and read "Secret Fears" by Kathleen Edick. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) This devotion and blog post fall under the "Blue Star Mom" category, but I'm sure military wives can also apply the truths found here. Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by a special guest: international speaker and author Grace Fox. What thoughts come to mind when you read the word storm? I recall scenes from my growing up years on the Alberta prairie when wintery white-out blizzards forced school cancellations and made driving nearly impossible. I also think about windstorms we experienced while living on an island off the coast of British Columbia. One brought wild winds that felled trees and knocked out electricity for five days. Not all storms are weather-related, however. One definition is “a violent outburst or disturbance.” Unfortunately, this type occurs anywhere and at anytime. Perhaps you’ve experienced this type of disturbance. It blows in with a phone call in the middle of the night. Or when the doctor says your mammogram is abnormal. Or when your child becomes deathly ill, or your spouse or child heads overseas into dangerous active duty. What happens? The winds howl. The waves threaten to sink our little boat. And fear grabs and paralyzes us. Our stomachs tie in knots, our nerves turn into a jittery mess, and we wonder if we’ll ever have a decent night’s sleep again. So, how can we guard ourselves from being blown away by an outburst of this nature? Here are five practical tips: Tell God how you feel.1 Peter 5:7 says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you.” So go ahead, take Him up on His invitation and pour out your heart to Him. It’s okay to vent; He can take it. And besides, He already knows your thoughts. Tell a trusted girlfriend how you feel. Ask her to pray for you. Ask her to pray withyou as well. Holding a private prayer meeting can be as simple as praying over the phone together for a few minutes once a week. I guarantee you’ll find encouragement knowing you’re not alone. Fill your home with praise and worship music.Focusing on fearful circumstances will undo you. But focusing on the character of God will strengthen your heart and calm your anxious thoughts as you remember that He is bigger than any storm you’ll ever encounter. Besides that, He is faithful. He is wise. He is love, and He will never leave you. Fill your mind with the truth. The enemy wants to discourage you and keep you paralyzed by fear. But you can fight back by writing Scripture promises on recipe cards and posting them where you’ll see them often – on your fridge, on the bathroom mirror, near your computer monitor, and even on your car’s dashboard. Check out this site for free downloadable Bible verses and several articles about overcoming fear. Develop a thankful heart. Easier said than done, right? Right, but the effort is so worthwhile. Philippians 4:6,7 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Do you want peace? Then start thanking God for His presence with you and for giving everything you need to survive the storm. Storms happen, and they can paralyze us with fear. Thankfully, that need not be the case. My prayer for you, my friend, is that you will not only survive, but thrive in those storms because God is with you. Discuss: Which of the five suggestions above do you already do to keep your fears at bay? Which one will you try the next time fear threatens to paralyze you?

[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1099", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-2377", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"283", "height":"424", "alt":"pinksweaterlaptop"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 18! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 224 and read "Declaring War on Debt" by Tonya Nash. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Tonya Nash. Money is a tool that we need to survive in this world and the mismanagement of it can cause plenty of problems. In the devotion, “Declaring War on Debt,” I talk about how my husband and I finally became debt free. But we certainly ran into some opposition on the road to victory! In our first year of marriage, my husband and I decided that we would start a tradition of taking “honeymoon trips” to celebrate every wedding anniversary. For the first year, we decided to go to a beautiful historic town on the east coast. While out sightseeing, we were approached by a vendor that talked us into attending a timeshare presentation. The incentive for attendance was pretty cool, so we decided to go. We were enticed by the beauty of the resorts and the opportunity to travel at a reduced rate. Then came the moment of truth. It was an on-the-spot decision because we never even considered buying a timeshare before. “But we deserve the opportunity to travel and stay at nice resorts, right? Living as a military family, we have to take advantage of every opportunity available to travel. My husband could deploy at any time and we need to make the most of our time together.” These were just a few of the reasons we used to justify the purchase as we signed the dotted line. We just hoped Uncle Sam wouldn’t interfere with the next 5 years of traveling we planned to do. The interest rate offered by the timeshare company was ridiculously high. “We give everyone that rate, regardless of credit,” the representative said. Since I had good credit, I figured that I could refinance it whenever we got home. Besides, the monthly payment wasn’t too bad. We returned home from our vacation and called our bank to see if they would refinance our loan. Imagine our surprise when we were told that they would not refinance it! We got the same response from several other banks. “Timeshares aren’t real property,” they said. While reading the timeshare paperwork, I discovered that there were other additional fees that had to be paid annually, even after the timeshare was paid off. By the way, did I forget to mention that I was unemployed at the time? Yes, I was unemployed and in between jobs. You know how it goes for military wives. It’s hard to find and keep a good job, especially when you are moving all of the time. My husband and I immediately started having buyer’s remorse. But God sent a ram in the bush. In small print, I read that we could get out of the contract without penalty if we cancelled within 7 days of purchase. You wouldn’t believe how quick I went to the post office to send off my certified cancellation letter! Please know that this post isn’t a slam against timeshares, but about avoiding the trouble that sometimes comes with feel-good purchases, otherwise known as retail therapy. There is a cost to every purchase. The financial costs are obvious, but what about the cost to your peace, the relationship with your spouse, and your credit? The life of a military wife can be challenging. Sometimes you feel like you deserve happiness that comes in the form of a new computer, car, spa day, or vacation. Who doesn’t enjoy a little retail therapy every once in a while? But those things only provide short-term happiness and can possibly bring long-term unhappiness once the bill is due. Here are some tips to avoid going overboard with retail therapy. 1. Sleep on it. Impulse purchases are usually a bad idea. Don’t feel like you have to purchase anything right away. Proverbs 21:5 tells us that, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” 2. Pray about it. It can be tempting to drown out feelings of sadness with purchases of material things. But the joy you get from those things are only temporary. God can give you joy unspeakable. Remember, the joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10). 3. Talk about it. Have a financial accountability partner such as your spouse or a close friend. Consult with them before making purchases over a certain amount of money. Seeking the advice of others is supported in Proverbs 12:15 and 15:22. 4. Can you afford it? Count up the TRUE cost of your purchase. Don’t just look at the monthly payments, but also look at other things such as interest rate, maintenance, and overall cost. Luke 14:28 reinforces the idea of sitting down and estimating the complete cost. 5. Save for it. Even ants save provisions during times of abundance so that they can reap the benefits when its needed according to Proverbs 6:6-8. Set up a rainy day fund and pay cash for your retail therapy purchases. Discuss: What do you do to avoid going overboard with retail therapy?

Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 16! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 212 and read "Seeing in the Dark" by Jocelyn Green. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1098", "attributes":{"class":"media-image aligncenter wp-image-2608 size-full", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"425", "height":"282", "alt":"dontwalkaloneverse"}}]]   Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Jocelyn Green. In the devotion you just read, I shared the story of a Marine wife who once felt so in the dark, unable to get her bearings or see any light at the end of the tunnel. For her, the cause was her husband's PTSD and TBI. For others, a similar feeling could be caused by any number of other situations. Singer/songwriter Sara Groves has a great song on her Fireflies album called "From this one place." If you have a few minutes, you can listen to it here: I love the chorus: “From this one place I can’t see very far/ In this one moment I’m square in the dark/These are the things I will trust in my heart/ You can see something else” [Tweet "I can't see very far, but God can."] Does this sound like something you have said or felt before? If we haven’t been in that place yet, I’m pretty confident that it’s only a matter of time before we are there too. But the comfort comes in knowing that while we can’t see much from our point of view right now, God sees it all. He sees the big picture, and as Sara says in her song, He “can see something else.” Just like Jesus knew what Mary and Martha didn't: that Jesus chose not to heal their brother Lazarus not because he was careless or mean, but because he knew that it would bring greater glory to God to raise him from the dead instead! (Read about this in John chapter 11.) Oh how we long to know what it is that God sees that we can’t! But if we could see it all at once, we wouldn’t have to trust Him, either. And I believe God wants to use the dark times of our lives to build our relationship with Him. In our darkest hours, it’s what we believe about God’s character that will sustain us. Do we believe that He is sovereign and in control? Do we believe that He is trustworthy? Our answers to these questions are more important than knowing the answers about what tomorrow will hold. I absolutely love what Carolyn Custis James says in her book When Life and Beliefs Collide: “God’s character is crucial, for there are moments in life when God’s goodness and love seem to come under a blackout. No matter how we strain our eyes, we cannot see any good, not a trace of God’s love . . . When faith cannot find something tangible to grasp, we are compelled to fly back to the ark of God’s unchanging, unfailing character. But faith will not find much of a foothold here if God is a stranger to us. Faith, in the final analysis, is trusting someone you know, even when you don’t always understand what he is doing” (page 73). In a devotion titled “Faith Challenged” in Faith Deployed (the prequel to Faith Deployed...Again), Army wife Rebekah Benimoff shares this: “When a young lady who once served on the chapel praise team with me learned that her husband had been killed in Iraq, those of us who served with her were shaken. while some people I knew were certain that God had told them everything would be okay, I had no such assurance. What God told me was quite different. He said that no matter what happens, He would carry me through. And to this day, He has” (page 216). Rebekah was in the dark about her husband’s future, and about her future with him–as all of us are. But she learned to put her hope in the One who is Light Himself. If you feel in the dark right now, trust that God still sees. He cares. And He has a plan for you. Discuss: What do you feel most in the dark about right now? How are you trusting God through this time? Share with us a time when you emerged from your dark period and finally saw what God was doing during that difficult time. What did God teach you through it?

[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"796", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-1073", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"204", "height":"336", "alt":"FaithDeployedAgain_cover204"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 15! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 204 and read "What God Has Promised" by Pamela Anderson. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Jocelyn Green. How many of you could relate to the first line in Pamela's devotion? She wrote: "The man who came home wearing my husband's uniform was not the same man I had sent off to war seven months before." (page 204) I'm sure this is true, to some degree, for every couple separated by a combat deployment. But for some--for far more than we even realize--the changes in the returning veteran are dramatic and terrifying. I wish we could say that Christians are exempt from post-traumatic stress, but we are not. Pam's husband is a chaplain. Other contributors to Faith Deployed and Faith Deployed...Again have also watched their husbands suffer PTSD: Rebekah Benimoff (another chaplain's wife), Marshele Carter Waddell, Rosie Williams, to name a few. (Also read "Not the Man I Married" on p. 72 by Rosie, and "The Roaring Lion" on p. 122 by Rebekah. You can also do a search on this Web site using these women's names to hear more about their personal experiences with their husbands' PTSD.) And I know that if we could have a show of hands somehow in cyberspace, we'd all be sobered by the number of you ladies walking through this valley right now. Maybe you, like Pam in her early days, are praying two basic prayers: "Lord where are You?" and "Please make this go away!" I think we could all understand that! That's why I am so impressed with where Pam went from there. She shares in the book: As I slowly began to realize that I had not been abandoned by the God of steadfast love and kindness, my prayers changed. To my shame, my previous prayer life had possessed undertones reminiscent of Benjamin Franklin: "Lord, make me healthy, wealthy, and wise." Now I followed instead the prompting of Puritan pastor John Owen: "Pray only for what God has promised." On my face before the Lord, I searched the Scriptures for promises to pray. And she found them. God promises that His love never fails. His mercy is new every morning. He hears the cries of your heart. He saves those who are crushed in spirit. All of these are His promises! Finding God's promises in Scripture and claiming them for your own life can have a huge influence on your ability to cope with the current situation. (Read Pam's entire devotion to see how she turned the promises into prayers.) [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1097", "attributes":{"class":"media-image wp-image-2434 size-full", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"200", "height":"280", "alt":"marshelecartrwaddell"}}]] Marshele Carter Waddell   Still, the challenges are huge on a daily basis. We've talked about the foundation of faith to help us through, and now I'd like to include some very practical tips you can use, as well. I'm going to yield the rest of our discussion to Marshele Carter Waddell, the wife of a combat stress survivor with PTSD. (The following originally appeared on Marshele's own blog last October, but she is sharing it with us today, as well. We hope this sheds some much-needed light on a difficult topic!) I had the privilege of speaking at the Worcester Institute on Loss and Trauma near Boston last week. This year’s theme was “Trauma Recovery.” I was the only speaker without a partial alphabet tagged onto my name on the program, the only keynote who spoke solely from “on-the-job training.” Needless to say, I learned much from the bigger brained, degreed presenters and furiously took notes on behalf of you, my sisters on the home front. The most nourishing morsel I gathered was during a session titled “Essentials for Safe Trauma Therapy,” by Babette Rothschild, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. (See what I mean) I sat up a bit straighter and listened more intently when she offered some very practical pointers for helping someone who is swept away in a flashback. A flashback is a memory of the past that intrudes into the present and makes the past seem as if it is actually occurring in the here and now….A flashback can occur as a slight “blip” in time or it can be a memory of an entire experience, occurring in real time just as it did in the past. A person having a flashback does not black out, does not dissociate or lose consciousness. During a flashback, a person’s trauma gets replayed with great intensity. A traumatized person may not be able to separate the flashback from the present reality. When a flashback happens during sleep, we call it a nightmare. A person’s entire nervous system is involved during a flashback. Because you and I love a combat stress survivor, many of us have witnessed our loved one experiencing a flashback. It’s not fun. It’s not predictable. It’s downright frightening. The first time I was present when my husband had a flashback, I felt scared and helpless. I was unprepared for what unfolded. The situation felt out of control, surreal, larger than any of us. I was grateful there were two other men present, both service members, to help us get to the other side of that flashback. I realize I’m preaching to the choir. I know most of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Ms. Rothschild, author of The Body Remembers, stresses the importance of “dual awareness,” the ability to know the difference between one’s internal world and one’s external reality. She emphasized that we, as family members and friends of warriors, can help diffuse flammable flashbacks by helping the veteran re-engage with the present moment. She suggested these practical steps for anyone caught in the flood of a loved one’s flashback: Tell the person he is having a flashback Tell the person to describe objects in the room Ask the person to count the objects in the room Ask the person to notice sounds in and outside the room Tell the person to describe the looks and expressions of others in the room Have the person tell you the current year, today’s date and the time In The PTSD Workbook, author Mary Beth Williams adds the following suggestions. Tell the person experiencing the flashback to: Repeatedly blink his eyes hard Change the position of his body Take several deep, cleansing breaths Hold on to a safe object Wash his own face with cool water Clap his hands Stomp his feet on the floor By engaging his/her five senses, we can help our loved who is experiencing the anxiety to recognize the present as different from the past. One of the best ways to deal with a flashback is to get your loved one outside of his head and into the world around you. The trauma survivor’s greatest need is to feel safe. There is an enormous amount of safety in living in the present. Later, after the dust has settled, be available and open to talk with your loved one about the flashback. Be ready to listen more than you talk. Be non-judgmental, but speak the truth in love. (Sources: The PTSD Workbook, by Mary Beth Williams, Ph.D., New Harbinger Publications, 2002 and The Body Remembers, by Babette Rothschild, W.W. Norton and Company, Inc., 2000) Discuss: Do you know of other important resources for veterans with combat trauma (and/or their family members)? These could be books, Web sites, seminars, conferences, whatever. Please share! Thinking back to Pam's devotion, "What God Has Promised," please share at least one promise from the Bible that encourages you.

[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"796", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft wp-image-1073 size-full", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"204", "height":"336", "alt":"FaithDeployedAgain_cover204"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day 13! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 162 and read "In the Cave" by Pam Anderson. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion anyway!) Now Let's Talk: The "cave" Pam refers to in the book is an OCONUS assignment, but we can all relate to being in our own place of darkness. In today's discussion, special guest Penny Monetti shares a very personal experience of being in that place in her marriage: I sat in the empty parking lot with closed car windows and yelled at God (yes, yelled), “Why don’t you hear me?” I’ve prayed everyday for months for you to restore my marriage. I thought that’s what you wanted, too! If it is, then why aren’t you doing something? The Bible says not to fear; you are always with me. So, where are you, God? I feel more alone now than ever!” Like the author Pamela Anderson, describes in her chapter entitled, “In the Cave” from the inspirational book, Faith Deployed. . .  Again, I was in the bowels of a dark cave. Although it actually took years to arrive at this god-forsaken place, it seemed like it happened overnight. [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1095", "attributes":{"class":"media-image size-full wp-image-2424", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"500", "height":"333", "alt":"Tony and Penny Monetti"}}]] Tony and Penny Monetti   As I shared in Called to Serve: My once "perfect" marriage turned south. Our oldest child was leaving for college out of state. Unattained dreams evolved into bitterness. Long missions, TDYs, and business responsibilities wedged my husband, Tony, away from our family and the quality time to which we were accustomed. Our communication link severed. Tony faced retirement and was striving to control unknown circumstances. Whenever I mentioned touchy issues, Tony grew angry. I bottled my feelings to avoid conflict, compensating by overcommitting my time to several worthy organizations. I became distant and failed to meet Tony’s needs, which caused him to feel unappreciated and unloved. In turn, Tony’s discontent brewed and I grew more distant and depressed. The circle continued as we steadily grew further and further apart. Before we knew it, the word “divorce” seared our daily conversation. We were in a tailspin, plummeting quickly for a marital crash and didn’t know how to regain control. Neither Tony nor I never imagined we would be contemplating a divorce as we pledged our undying love to each other nineteen years earlier. Now we were in a tailspin, plummeting quickly for a marital crash and didn’t know how to regain control. We struggled to remain in a room together for five minutes without fighting. It crushed me that our kids were witnessing the turmoil. Although I prayed, and I asked family members and Christian friends to pray, I did not feel God’s presence. I wondered if God deemed me unworthy since He wasn’t answering my prayers-or so I thought. Although our feelings of love had seemingly disappeared and I felt abandoned by God, I made one of the hardest, life-changing decisions while isolated in the cave. I chose to remain obedient to God and resolved to salvage our war-torn marriage when the world dangled the promise of an easier life through divorce. Tony and I had a history together. At one time, we were each other’s best friend. I knew first hand the collateral damage that divorce inflicted on children. I didn’t need to review the overwhelming statistics (although I’ve included some for those who are curious). I just had to peek into my own backyard; my two sisters and I were adult living proof how divorce emotionally scars children. Despite the popular view that if it gets tough, bail out, Tony and I both chose to honor the “for worse” part of our marriage. Shortly, after much prayer to find a Christian marriage counselor whom we could both relate to, we met a godly man who guided us down the tough road to healing our marriage. The cave served a far-reaching purpose. I look back now at that pitiful, lost woman, crying out to God for help in the parking lot five years ago. I couldn’t fathom why God didn’t instantly answer my prayers. He allowed me to bump and bruise myself while blindly feeling my way through the isolated cave. However, now, I see that the cave served a far-reaching purpose. I learned the importance of blind obedience to God when I didn’t feel His presence even though the Lord had never left my side. First Samuel 24 describes David hiding in an actual cave from King Saul, who was bent on killing David for fear he would take his position as king. Saul enters the rocky cavern to relieve himself (crude, but a necessity, and I love that the Bible tells it like it is), giving David a once-in-a lifetime opportunity to finish off the king. David instantaneously has a life-altering choice to make and only seconds to do so. Does he kill Saul? With Saul dead, the need to hide out like a rodent in caves would be gone. Stress would disappear. Wouldn’t it? David stands at a crucial crossroad. He painstakingly decides to remain obedient to God’s command not lift a hand against His anointed ruler. Despite David’s soldiers’ well-meaning advice to kill Saul, David ignores their counsel and remains obedient to God. I felt an instant camaraderie with David. He felt unheard the same way I did as he desperately cried out for God’s help (Psalm 22). Despite David’s struggles, he chose to remain obedient to God’s commands, and when his prayers felt unheard, David praised God. Reality hit. I discovered that caves are the Rubicon where great life changes occur-good or bad. The choice is ours. We can get depressed and feel sorry for ourselves, or we can obey God’s precepts and praise Him because His promises are true. Like David, we periodically find ourselves in the “caves” of life and arrive at an impasse. Sometimes it’s a gradual process or it may be immediate, like a phone call, a misspoken word, or a turn into the wrong lane, and our lives leap from normality into chaos overnight. We find ourselves alone, pulled from our bright lives into the cave’s pit of darkness where we are pressed to make tough decisions. Well-meaning friends may advise us to take the seemingly easier route, which isn’t normally God’s direction. What choices do we make in that cave? Do we leave our spouse and search for greener pasture? Do we take another drink or pop another pill? Do we slander another’s character through gossip? Do we stop trusting God because of illness, unmet dreams, or broken promises? We can remain obedient to God’s commands and let Him restore and transform us within that lonely cave, or we can choose what appears to be the easy way out, looking to worldly views, which in the end cause destruction to ourselves and those we love most. The road less traveled is usually the tougher course, but it’s the most character-strengthening and rewarding. Had Tony and I not traveled into the “cave,” we would have never recognized our own weaknesses and transformed our war-torn marriage into the healthy union that it is today. If God immediately answered my prayer when I asked, then demanded, the refining process intended to detoxify the impurities that were poisoning our relationship may have never occurred. Instead, God forged a strong fortress-a lifetime union richly blessed with love, but only after choosing to obey God’s commands and trust His direction. Discuss: How about you? Are you feeling isolated as you search for a way out of a cave’s darkness? What crossroads are you facing? Are you aligning your decisions with God’s direction or with the world’s view? God is with you, even if your prayers seem unheard. He is directing your path and offering His hand as you read this. The road may be difficult, but if you stick with God’s direction, His provision, love, and eternal rewards await you. So that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~1 Peter 1:7