military

[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1085", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-2376", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"425", "height":"282", "alt":"laptopwomanonsofa"}}]]Welcome to the Faith Deployed...Again online book club, Day Three! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Before we begin, please turn in your copy of Faith Deployed...Again to page 32 and read "Treasures of Darkness" by Bettina Dowell. (If you don't have a book, don't go away! We'd love to have you join us for this discussion!) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Bettina Dowell. Life as the spouse of a sailor stationed on a ship was a huge shock to this very young military wife. I had some understanding before we arrived that the ship would be deploying from time to time, but no clue about the uncertainty of the ship’s schedule and how it would dramatically impact my life. One particular night sticks out in my memory. The ship had left for what was supposed to be a fairly brief tour to Central America and was on its way back to home port. The ship was approaching the Panama Canal and as young wives, we were excitedly making plans for homecoming. Suddenly, we began receiving ham radio phone calls, one by one, that the ship was in fact not coming through the Canal, but instead, turning the other direction for an extended stay in Central America. I remember my heart feeling very broken. It was not the extra time that discouraged me as much as the disappointment of turning my heart from making homecoming plans to steeling myself up for a longer separation. [Tweet "Life as a military spouse is nothing if not unpredictable."] If you have been a military wife for at least six months, you probably have a story to share exactly like mine. Life as a military spouse is nothing, if not unpredictable. While the civilian population may sometimes be able to lull themselves into a false sense of control as their spouse goes off every day to the same job, in the same city, year after year, we have no illusions about the lack of control we have over our futures. This can be not only frustrating, but sometimes maddening. One of the themes of “Treasures of Darkness” is control. Could you relate at all to these sentences? Something about life as a military spouse demonstrates to one in new and dramatic ways how little control we actually have over the course of our journey. Often the deep desire to control everything in our spheres of influence (and many things outside of it) springs from a place of fear. If you could relate, do you also think that your desire to control comes from a place of fear? Controlling from fear is a temptation as old as the garden. In fact, it is really the basis of the enemy’s original plot against women. Genesis 3: 1-7 tells us how the enemy came to Eve, enticed her to doubt and twisted God’s word to her. Then he proceeded to offer her not just a piece of fruit – but the opportunity to “be like God.” Now we may tend to be judgmental of our sister Eve because she was tempted by wanting to be like God, but how often would each of us trade almost anything to know the future, to allay our fears and concerns about what it might hold for us and our loved ones? Are we really that different? Of course not. And our enemy, who is not very creative, is still using the same line on us that he used on Eve. “Don’t you want to be like God?” As frustrating as upended plans and the uncertainty of our futures may be as military wives, may I propose a thought? In reality, we really don’t want the control we so often fight to obtain. We do not want to know, or be responsible for, future events. God alone has this knowledge because He alone can handle it. It was never meant for us. And when we mentally move out of our fear and release our need to control everything, we are actually releasing things into His hand. So how about you today? Where are you afraid (even if it doesn’t seem on the surface to be fear – I’m really good at disguising that fear to myself as my need to “plan and prepare”) and trying to gain control? Is it about your next move? Your husband’s safety? Your children’s future? Sisters, we have as much ability to control these things as we do of changing how tall we are – or are not. What we can control is our response in those situations where we are fearful. We can chose to find those treasures of darkness in learning to trust God in the hard times. We can listen to the truths of His word instead of ignoring or doubting them. Our civilian girlfriends will never know the unexplainable feeling of peace in sleeping through a night while your husband is a world away in a dangerous place. That is called “peace that passes all human understanding.” Just another treasure in the darkness. Discuss: 1. What is making you fearful today? 2. Is your fear causing you to grasp for control? 3. Which of these truths can you claim for your own today? Psalm 23, Psalm 118:5, Psalm 138:3, Lamentations 3:33, Habakkuk 3: 17-19

[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1076", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignright wp-image-2318 size-medium", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"168", "height":"300", "alt":"coffee"}}]] Happy Veteran's Day!! Welcome to Day Two of the Faith Deployed...Again online book club! (Not sure what this is all about? Click here.) In Your Book: Please take a moment to grab your copy of Faith Deplolyed...Again and turn with me to page 28 to read the devotion I wrote called "Soul Talk." (You can also read it online in the free excerpt of the book, here.) Now Let's Talk: Today's discussion is led by Jocelyn Green. The other day at the coffee shop, I couldn't help but overhear a young woman say, "I am the boss of my own life." Apparently the young man she was talking to asked her to repeat herself, because again, but with wider eyes, a nodding head, and a louder voice, she said, "I am the boss of my own life!" Let's face it. Most of us, if not all of us, want to be in control of our lives. And the uncomfortable truth is. . .we're not. Not really. In Faith Deployed. . .Again: More Daily Encouragement for Military Wives, I share a story about how my self-talk became a negative, self-fulfilling prophecy until I replaced my words to myself with truths from Scripture. On the flip side, I believe that self-talk that gives ourselves too much credit (as in being "the boss" of our own lives, or not needing help from anyone) is just as misguided and damaging. [Tweet "What we tell ourselves matters."] [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1077", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft wp-image-2316 size-medium", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"193", "height":"300", "alt":"selftalk"}}]]In her book Self Talk, Soul Talk, Jennifer Rothschild says: Control over the events of our lives is a pleasant daydream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst. Even so, we all seem ready to embrace the mirage. That's why we get angry and feel discontent when we lost control of a situation we feel we ought to have a handle on. We act as though we've realy lost something, but we never truly had it at all. (page 104) How true! This would be a bitter pill to swalllow indeed if we thought we were completely at the mercy of the government, or the military, or natural disasters, or international conflicts. But even though it may seem this way, God is ultimately in control. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps" (Proverbs 16:9). "I form the light and create darkness,  I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things" (Isaiah 45:7). Even things which seem to fall under the category of "chance" or "coincidence" cannot escape God's will:  "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD" (Proverbs 16:33). In her book, Rothschild goes on to point out the certain things we do have control over, no matter what. She says: We have control over our own attitudes. We have control over our responses to circumstances. We have control over our choice to seek God. We have control over our determination to be still before Him. We have control over our choice to acknowledge that He is God--and we are not! (page 104) Personally, the times when I'm the most frustrated are the times when I feel most out of control. I need to change my self-talk from "I need things to go my way!" to the more truthful soul-talk of, "God is still God, and He is in control." I need to remember what I do control, and align my energies accordingly. Discuss:  What do you sometimes tell yourself that causes more discouragement? What Bible verse should you claim instead?

Did you know that November is officially Military Family Appreciation Month? As a former military wife myself, I'm happy about this opportunity to recognize our brave men and women and their families. But what does it really mean? From Military.com: Each year the President signs a proclamation declaring November Military Family Month. This annual proclamation marks the beginning of a month-long celebration of the Military Family in which the Department of Defense and the nation will honor the commitment and sacrifices made by the families of the nation's servicemembers. (Read more here.) I certainly appreciate the Department of Defense's (and "the nation's") recognition of military families. But do you know what's even more powerful than video tributes and PSAs, resolutions and proclomations? You and me, showing appreciation in personal ways to the military families we know. Please, let's not leave honoring the military up to the Department of Defense this month, or any other month of the year. It can never replace what neighbors, churches, and fellow citizens can do for one another.  My friend, Army wife Benita Koeman says, “I adopted a genuine ‘I can do this’ attitude about the second deployment. But I couldn’t do it alone, and most good intentions to help from the people we love fell by the wayside. As I struggled to take care of our young children (ages two, four and six years old), I felt alone and abandoned. At one point I bordered depression. I tried my best to smile, to fake like all was okay and to convince myself it was. But it wasn’t.” The evidence for military families in need isn’t just anecdotal. A large-scale study published in January 2010 in the New England Journal of Medicine looked at electronic medical data for more than 250,000 of the nearly 300,000 women whose active-duty husbands were deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan from 2003 to 2006. The study found that 36.6 percent of women whose husbands had deployed had at least one mental-health diagnosis, such as depression, or an anxiety or sleep disorder And let’s remember- these are just the results of those with official diagnoses. Many women resist seeking help for the same reason their husbands in uniform do—they fear a negative stigma. “Besides fear for the safety of their loved ones, spouses of deployed personnel often face challenges of maintaining a household, coping as a single parent and experiencing marital strain due to a deployment-induced separation of an uncertain duration,” the study says. But you don’t need a mental illness diagnosis to need a helping hand. “I really needed signs to know that as I struggled, that people cared, cared enough to do something,” says Koeman. “But I did not get that.” As a result of her experience, she founded the Web site www.OperationWeAreHere.com, to serve as a clearinghouse of resources and ideas for how to support military families. So what can you do for the home front in honor of National Military Family Month? Quite a bit, as it turns out. Here are some ideas to consider year-round.   Get Your Church Involved With record numbers of troops deployed or returned from the current war, most churches are in a perfect position to minister to families of either Active Duty, Reserves, or National Guard service members. Here are just a few ways to provide reinforcements: Send reverse care packages. Send care packages to the deployed members, and “reverse” care packages to the families on the home front. If possible, find out through email from the deployed spouse what he’d like his/her spouse and children to have for special holidays such as Valentine’s Day, birthdays, Christmas, etc. These are all days when a husband and father’s absence is felt the most keenly. Then make sure his family gets these items on the special days. Or simply put together a package for the home front members yourself to express your appreciation and support—whether it’s a gift card to Starbucks or a local spa, movie tickets or something else. Consider including one of these inspirational books for military. Offer a Military Night Out. Once a month, offer a Military Night Out where the church provides dinner and child care for children of the military member. The parents can go have a date night together, or if the spouse is deployed, the spouse at home can get a break from the kids and do errands, get together  with friends or just have some time to herself. Organize a returning veterans fellowship. Those coming home from combat need to be in fellowship with others who understand the special adjustment issues they will be facing. Often the military member doesn’t want to share all the details of combat with the spouse to protect the spouse from those images. Organize a simple gathering for veterans to benefit from being with others who understand exactly what they’re going through. Honor the troops. Watch the calendar and honor the troops around Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Veteran’s Day with special breakfasts for them or at least a mention from the pulpit. Show military members and their families (veterans included) that they are special. Take Personal Initiative No time to get a group together for an organized military ministry? No problem. Choose from this arsenal of ideas to personally support the military spouse at home. Create some coupons. Instead of simply telling a military spouse you’re willing to help, give her some specific ideas of what you can offer. Either give him/her a list of your services or create a coupon booklet for free babysitting, a coffee date, financial counseling, running errands, an hour or two of housework, etc. [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1081", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignright size-full wp-image-2337", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"425", "height":"282", "alt":"cookie-care-package"}}]] Surprise the home front spouse. Make an ordinary day special by dropping off a basket of favorite foods, a great book, or new magazine and/or a movie rental you know the military spouse or kids have been wanting to see. Fix what’s broken. Find out what’s broken and fix it—or help tide the spouse at home over until a professional can make the repair. If her computer is down, let her use yours to email her spouse. If the washing machine is on the fritz, let her do a few loads at your house this week. If the car stopped running, offer to give (or arrange) rides. Get your hands dirty. For every season, there are jobs to be done outside. Pitch in when you can to mow the lawn, pull weeds, clean out gutters, shovel snow, or wash windows. Bring a meal. Providing a ready-to-eat (or ready-to-cook) dinner means one less thing an already stressed military spouse would have to think about. If you don’t have time for a full dinner, a homemade loaf of bread, muffins, or cookies would still be great. If you make freezer meals like I do, donating one (or more) to a military family is simple and effective. Make a call. Every so often, make a quick phone call to see how the family is getting along. Keep it brief, and leave a message if there’s no answer. Let her know you are there to support her, but be sensitive to the fact she may not want to talk long. Be there. Visiting is a great mood lifter, but ask first before showing up unannounced. Be consistent. Mark your calendars to send a small note or email or phone call on a regular basis—not just right after the spouse deploys. And don’t expect a response each time. Support that wife regardless of if she thanks you for every thoughtful gesture of yours. [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1082", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft wp-image-2338 size-full", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"200", "height":"300", "alt":"closeupwoman-praying"}}]] Pray. Pray for the one serving our country overseas, but also pray for those serving at home—the spouse and children. Pray for the entire family even after the spouse returns home, too! That re-entry adjustment period is often just as stressful as deployment. Find specific ways to pray for the service member here. Ideas for how to pray for the home front spouse are here. Supporting the military spouse allows him/her to support her active duty spouse and children in a way that only a spouse can. And knowing that the family is supported back home will allow the deployed spouse to better focus on his/her mission. When you minister to the military spouses and children, you are supporting the troops as well. Happy Military Family Appreciation Month! [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1083", "attributes":{"class":"media-image aligncenter wp-image-2335 size-full", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"550", "height":"454", "alt":""}}]]

Listen in as Dr. Gary Chapman and I talk about Keeping Love Alive During Deployments on the Focus on the Family Jim Daily broadcast! Follow this link and listen any time. Please note this is a two-day series, so don’t miss either one! These programs are based on our book, The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. In the photo above, from left to right: John Fuller, Gary Chapman, Jocelyn Green, and Jim Daly, in the broadcast studio in Colorado Springs. (The photo in the bottom right is me in the Green Room with my souvenir mug!) Visit my Web site for military wives at www.faithdeployed.com.

[[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1001", "attributes":{"class":"media-image alignleft size-full wp-image-1889", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"245", "height":"340", "alt":"5LLMilitary3D-245"}}]]Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day, AND Military Appreciation Month! To celebrate, Dr. Gary Chapman and I are teaming up to offer some amazing give-aways--seriously, the coolest grand prize I've ever hosted. But first, we want to share with you the first chapter of our latest release: The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. I hope you'll read the chapter below, and be encouraged! There is hope for marriages in every stage! Stay tuned--the give-aways will be offered just below the chapter. Take it away, Gary! What Happens to Love in a Military Marriage? I first met Chuck in Germany. He had a successful military career—twenty-three years under his belt. However, in his own words, “My marriage is in shambles. I don’t understand love and I’m not sure you can keep love alive in a military marriage. I was madly in love with my first wife. We were high school sweethearts. We got married right after graduation, and a month later I joined the military. The first couple of years were exciting, but eventually our love grew cold. We seemed like roommates living in the same house. On the day after our tenth anniversary she went home to visit her mother and never returned. I didn’t feel all that bad about it because by this time neither one of us loved each other.” “What about your second marriage?” I inquired. “It was about a year after our divorce that I met Cathy. At the time, she was also in the military. It was one of those ‘love at first sight deals,’” he said. “It was great. We had an awesome marriage until we got assigned to different bases. That was tough. So a year later, she left the military so we could be together. Then, the baby came along and things changed. We never rediscovered the connection we had in the first year of our marriage. It was like our love evaporated. She and our son left last Tuesday to go back to the States, and I know it’s just a matter of time until she files for divorce..” “When things were going well, how did you express your love to Cathy?” I asked. “I told her how beautiful she was. I told her I loved her. I told her how proud I was to be her husband. But after three or four years, she started complaining about petty things at first—like my not taking the garbage out, or my not hanging up my clothes. Later she went to attacking my character, telling me she didn’t feel she could trust me, accusing me of being unfaithful to her. She became a totally negative person. When I met her she was one of the most positive people I had ever known. That’s one of the things that attracted me to her, she never complained about anything. Everything I did was wonderful, but after a few years, I could do nothing right. I really think I tried. I honestly don’t know what happened.” I could tell Chuck was experiencing internal struggle over what was going on in his marriage, so I said, “You still love Cathy, don’t you?” “I think I do,” he said. “I don’t have the kind of love I had when we first got married, but I certainly don’t want a divorce. I think we could have made it, but I don’t think Cathy wants to work on the marriage.” I could tell this strong warrior had a wounded heart. “Did things go downhill after the baby was born?” I asked. “Yes,” he said. “I felt like she gave all of her attention to the baby, and I no longer mattered. It was as if her goal in life was to have a baby, and after the baby she no longer needed me.” “Did you tell her that?” I asked. “Yes, I told her. She said I was crazy. She said I did not understand the stress of being a twenty-four hour nurse, and I should be more understanding and help her more. I really tried, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. After that we just grew apart. After a while there was no love left, just deadness.” Chuck continued the conversation and I listened. “What happened to love after the first year of marriage?” he asked. “Is my experience common? Is that why we have so many divorces in the military? I can’t believe this has happened to me twice. And those who don’t divorce, do they learn to live with the emptiness, or does love really stay alive in some marriages?” The questions Chuck asked are the questions thousands of military couples are asking. Sometimes the answers are couched in psychological research jargon that is almost incomprehensible. Sometimes they are couched in humor and folklore. Most of the jokes and pithy sayings contain some truth, but they are often like offering an aspirin to a person with cancer. The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. Books abound on the subject. Television and radio talk shows deal with it. The Internet is full of advice. So are our parents and friends. Keeping love alive in our marriages is serious business. With all the help available from media experts, why is it so few couples seem to have found the secret to keeping love alive after the wedding? The Truth We’re Missing The answer to those questions is the purpose of this book. It’s not that the books and articles already published are not helpful. The problem is we have overlooked one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages. My academic training is in the area of anthropology. Therefore, I have studied in the area of linguistics, which identifies a number of major language groups: Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese, Greek, German, French, and so on. Most of us grow up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes our primary or native tongue. Later, we may learn additional languages—but usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages. We speak and understand best our native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we become conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate, but it’s awkward. Language differences are part and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate. In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other. Chuck was speaking the language of words of affirmation to Cathy when he told her she was beautiful, he loved her, and he was proud to be her husband. He was speaking love, and he was sincere, but she did not understand his language. Perhaps she was looking for love in his behavior and didn’t see it. Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to effectively communicate love. My conclusion after thirty-five years of marriage counseling is that there are five emotional love languages—five ways people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of linguistics a language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects. That accounts for the magazine articles titled “10 Ways to Let Your Spouse Know You Love Her,” “20 Ways to Keep Your Man at Home,” or “365 Expressions of Marital Love.” There are not 10, 20, or 365 basic love languages. In my opinion, there are only five. However, there may be numerous dialects. The number of ways to express love within a love language is limited only by one’s imagination. The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse. Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language. We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing our love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language. Therein lies the fundamental problem, and it is the purpose of this book to offer a solution. That’s why I dare to write another book on love. Once we discover the five basic love languages and understand our own primary love language, as well as the primary love language of our spouse, we will then have the needed information to apply the ideas in the books and articles. Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage. These languages can be spoken even when you are separated by deployment. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth the effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language. *Learn more about The 5 Love Languages Military Edition!  Pssst. If you're not military, check out the original The 5 Love Languages! The Give-Aways! Here's what we're dying to give away: Grand Prize: [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1002", "attributes":{"class":"media-image aligncenter wp-image-1881", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"560", "height":"560", "alt":"Grand military prize"}}]] The Marriage You've Always Wanted Event Experience. This is Dr. Chapman's full conference (five hours) on DVD, which includes the book of the same title as well as a Participant's Guide. (Retail $199.99) Watch it alone, as a couple, or with a group. Paperback edition of The 5 Love Languages Military Edition The Love Languages Devotional Bible, SoftTouch edition Keurig coffee machine (for real) Box of K-cups for said Keurig coffee machine Second Place Winner: [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1003", "attributes":{"class":"media-image aligncenter wp-image-1882", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"560", "height":"560", "alt":"second place military"}}]] The Marriage You've Always Wanted Small Group Experience. The Small Group Experience features the same 5 lessons as the event experience, outlined in a provided leader and participant guide, along with video clips to enhance and support each segment. Daily devotionals for couples are also included. A set of every book I (Jocelyn Green) have ever written or co-authored, both fiction and nonfiction. Includes: The 5 Love Languages Military Edition; Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives; Faith Deployed . . . Again: More Daily Encouragement for Military Wives; The Military Wives New Testament with Psalms & Proverbs; Stories of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq & Afghanistan; Stories of Faith and Courage from the Home Front; plus Civil War novels Wedded to War and Widow of Gettysburg. The Love Languages Devotional Bible, hardcover $50 Amazon gift card Third Place Winner: [[{"type":"media", "view_mode":"media_large", "fid":"1004", "attributes":{"class":"media-image aligncenter size-full wp-image-1883", "typeof":"foaf:Image", "style":"", "width":"330", "height":"248", "alt":"BookStack prize"}}]] Complete set of my eight books (see list above) $25 Amazon gift card Can you believe this? I am so pumped. To enter the give-away, use the Rafflecopter tool below to rack up entries. I'm going to give you lots of ways to do it, so read carefully. The give-away will remain open from today until Armed Forces Day, May 17. Once the winners are chosen, I'll email them. Winners, you'll have three days to get back to me with your mailing address, so watch those inboxes! I'd hate for you to miss out on your prize, but if I don't hear from you, I'll have to select new winners. Also, if you have never left a comment here before, I will need to "approve" it before it shows up. Never fear, I'll be checking throughout the day to try to keep up. Thanks and good luck! a Rafflecopter giveaway